Acting human

Recently I had one of those total woman moments that I pride myself on not having- I got my feelings hurt.  I was caught totally off-guard, and I grew more and more upset and frustrated and confused.  How could this person respond to me in this way?  What had I done?  What was the deal?  Why??

I let it stew for days.  The thoughts grew in my mind and I convinced myself that I was right.  I was certain that I had done no wrong, had responded most appropriately, and I was most definitely not at fault in any way.  And with that I grew more and more angry and self-righteous and haughty… and alone.  I discovered that I had no one to listen to me vent my “rightness.”  No one at all… But God.

It took longer than it should have, but I did finally start pouring my heart out to the Lord.  I spouted my frustrations and wept over my bruised heart… And as He soothed my soul, He also began to gently open my eyes to a few things.  I could see that my own pride had become a barrier.  I was so focused on my own desires that I had stopped seeing Him at work- He had not stopped working, but my selfishness served as blinders on my eyes.  I was so convinced that I was right in everything that I failed to see how I was falling short in my relationships with others.  I had become so wrapped up in myself that I had forgotten my overall purpose- to love, to serve, to encourage, to forgive, and to ultimately glorify God.

I had gotten so frustrated with another human for acting so… well… human!  We live in a sinful, fallen world surrounded by other sinful, broken people.  Mistakes are made.  Hearts are hurt.  Promises are broken.  Lies abound.  Disappointments lurk around every corner.  Failure in inevitable, and people will let us down- they’re human!  And so am I.

But, praise God, there is One more faithful and loyal and sure to keep His promises.  He is full of grace and mercy and forgiveness and love… when we fall down, when we lose our way, when we hurt, and when we hurt others.  For reasons I may never understand He loves us in spite of ourselves.  He knows our hurts, He knows our fears, and He knows our mistakes and shortcomings… And He makes a way anyway.

The heart is deceitful above anything else, and incurable- who can understand it?  I, Yahweh, examine the mind, I test the heart to give to each according to his way, according to what his actions deserve.
-Jeremiah 17:9-10

We too all previously lived among them in our fleshly desires, carrying out the inclinations of our flesh and thoughts, and we were by nature children under wrath as the others were also.  But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love that He had for us, made us alive with the Messiah even though we were dead in trespasses.  You are saved by grace!
-Ephesians 2:3-5

If we say, “We don’t have any sin,” we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
-I John 1:10

Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!
-Lamentations 3:22-23

Give thanks to the God of heaven.  His love endures forever.
-Psalm 136:26