Don’t forget to count your blessings!
Y’all, I have officially been a mom for eleven years.
How is that even possible?!
But here we are, when it seems like I was just changing her diapers and learning to be a mom for the first time, and we are suddenly in our preteen years. No more changing diapers, but instead rapidly changing emotions- and still learning to be a mom.
That’s the thing with your firstborn- you’re constantly still learning to be a mom for the first time. Every day is unchartered waters, a leap into the unknown. When she was born, I had never had a baby before. When she turned two, I had never had a toddler before. Last year was my first year as the mom of a double-digit-er, and now I’m a mom of an eleven year old for the first time. It’s a steady stream of adventure.
It’s also a steady stream of change that I often don’t see coming. One day she’s frilly dresses and hairbows, and the next is Converse high-tops and bandanas on her head. She’s playing with her dolls one night, and when we wake up it’s all about texting her friends and listening to music. Playdates have turned into “hanging out,” and I dare not buy her clothes anymore as she has her own definitive style that I know nothing about. Mom and Dad were once pretty cool to be around, but now we get the “look” and eye rolls.
No, my baby girl isn’t much of a baby. She’s independent and strong-willed and feisty, and certainly has an opinion all of her own. It’s a balancing act of letting her grow and develop her own person, yet still filtering out a lot of the junk out there in the world and expecting things like manners and kind words and respect. It’s spurring her on in the right direction and praying with and for her, yet loosening the reigns just enough to let her put what she’s been taught to the test. It’s still training a child in the way she should go, yet encouraging her to take ownership of her relationship with Christ.
This parenting thing isn’t easy. There are days I cry, days she cries, and days we cry together. We lose our tempers more than we should, talk a little louder than we should, and let words slip out that we don’t really mean. I’m not always right and she’s not always right and we are learning slowly that it’s okay (and even good) to admit when we’re wrong. In eleven years, I’ve learned that I mess up- every day. I’ve learned that being a mom takes a lot of humility, a lot of patience, and a lot of grace. It takes a lot of Jesus.
I’ve learned that our days are a lot smoother when we spend more time in the Word. I’ve learned that nothing stops an argument faster than praying- even if it means praying out loud over her yelling in the heat of the moment (if you haven’t tried it, you should- totally worth the shock value). I’ve learned that sometimes all that yuck that comes out is just a cry for help, or attention, or even just a hug. I’ve learned that no matter how big and brave she gets, sometimes she just needs her mommy. And I’ve learned that no matter how many times I mess up, there’s always grace to cover.
I’m a little afraid of what’s to come. I know we’re inching closer and closer to the day that she’ll really spread her wings and soar, and I won’t be able to shield her from the ugliness of the world. She’ll have her heart hurt and she’ll slip along the way, and she’ll have to make those tough decisions that cause you to lose sleep. Eventually she’ll decide who her friends are and where she wants to go and how she’s going to live. She’ll have to choose courage when chaos abounds. It will become her choice to be kind or brave or wise… or not. And she will have to face the consequences of those choices.
And what can I do? How can I ensure that she’ll choose correctly, that she’ll allow God to direct her steps, that she’ll stay on the path He has for her? I can’t. But, I can continue to show her how to pray, how to turn to God’s word daily, how to apologize, how to be kind, how to love… and I can pray, every day, for her present and her future. If nothing else, eleven years of mommyhood has taught me the power of prayer!
Happy eleventh birthday to my firstborn “Rae” of sunshine… How blessed I am to know love like this. You are the one that taught me about love at first sight. You inspire me to be strong and brave and sure of what I believe, because you are strong and brave and sure of what you believe. I admire your willingness to stand your ground, to forge your own path, and to not be easily shaken. You challenge me to be a better mom- and a better child of God. I love you to the moon…
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”
-Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)
Goodness…
You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own. -Leviticus 20:26
Discussing goodness can be a tricky topic to tackle. Everyone has different ideas of what it means to be “good,” and oftentimes much emphasis is placed on goodness rather than grace when it comes to eternal life. So many confuse good works and grace, but the Bible is clear… Goodness is not the way to a relationship with Christ, but rather a product of a relationship with Christ.
Goodness is a requirement of God’s people, not because we can ever achieve perfection, but because as followers of Christ we are to crave holiness, and goodness produces holiness. There is a direct connection between obedience and righteousness, and just as we long for our children to obey, God wants to see us living in obedience to His commandments.
The Ten Commandments are a good baseline for living a life of goodness, but they aren’t merely a checklist to work your way into heaven. The greatest commandment is to love God, and part of loving God is loving His law. In our sinful nature, we cannot keep all of the commandments, but because we love God, we strive to do better and live a life that brings glory and honor to Him. And when we mess up, as we are going to do every day, we admit our shortcomings and ask for forgiveness. Goodness calls out immorality as sin, with no excuses!
So what is the key to goodness? Love… Genuine, sincere, no-strings-attached love. Loving God, loving His word, and loving others as Christ loves us. This kind of love is a love that lends itself to goodness. It’s the type of love that can only be found in Him- through prayer and Bible study and being filled daily with the Holy Spirit. God is love (I John 4:8), God is good (Psalm 136:1), and if we are truly allowing Him to live in us and through us, that love and goodness will spill over into a life of service and obedience.
The Bible clearly states that we are recognized by the fruit that we bear. ”Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” (Matthew 7:17-20) We are called to be salt and light in a broken and sinful world (see Matthew 5:13-16), and whether we like it or not, people are watching us and making observations about what they see. As moms, our own children are watching us and learning from us. Sometimes it can be easy to put on a show of “goodness” for strangers and those not living under our roof, but what do our families see from us on a daily basis? As the Scripture states, “a good tree cannot bear bad fruit.” Are we good trees, bearing fruits of goodness all the time?
Goodness requires sacrifice. It means stepping away from the values of the world even while living in the world. It means standing up for God’s law when everyone else is heading in the other direction. It means letting go of our own worldly desires and longing for Him. It means giving yourself in love and service even when it results in a lack of recognition or appreciation. It means making time to spend in the Word, even when your schedule is overflowing. Goodness means loving God more.
“No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.” –I John 3:6-10
“As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” –I Peter 1:14-16
“For God did not call us to be impure; but to live a holy life.” –I Thessalonians 4:7
“Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.” -3 John 11
“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” -2 Timothy 2:22
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”
-Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)
Kindness….
The words “kind” and “nice” are words that are used frequently when molding young children. We tell them to be kind to their peers, to play nice, to be a friend… Yet speaking the words will never replace kindness in action- modeling it for our children in everyday life. And, as is the case for the fruits we’ve studied thus far, putting on kindness can be a challenge.
Kindness goes hand in hand with those other fruits we’ve learned about- kindness is a response of love for another person. Kind people tend to exude joy and have peace in trying circumstances. And, without a doubt, being kind definitely requires patience! Kindness is a daily choice we make, but it’s a natural choice when we are filled with the Holy Spirit. Living a life of kindness is living a life in God’s power, submitting to His power and authority, and putting to death our sinful nature (see Colossians 3:1-8).
The Bible is full of examples of individuals who exhibited kindness. I Samuel 25 speaks of Abigail, the woman who met David with kindness and encouraged him to not act in his anger. The book of Ruth gives the story of the relationship between Ruth and Naomi, a relationship exemplifying kindness to one another. Joshua introduces us to the prostitute Rahab- an unlikely candidate for showing kindness, but her example teaches that we don’t have to be perfect to be used by God. We just have to be willing. In Luke chapter 10 we read the parable of the Good Samaritan, and of course we can read any account of Jesus’ life on earth to see kindness in action.
I stumbled across this list of Biblical characteristics of kindness according to the Scriptures. It’s a great “self-check” for us as believers, but also a great reference point for teaching our children about kindness according to God’s word.
One is kind when:
(Copied from http://www.bibletalk.net/articles/kindness.html by Jeff Asher)
Kindness opens the door to ministering to others. If we want to share the love of Christ with others, we must begin by showing kindness and meeting immediate needs. For us moms, this begins at home. What do our children see when they look at us? Here are some questions that I have been asking myself lately that have opened the door to some real heart checks…
I could go on and on, but the point is that actions speak louder than words. To teach our children to be kind, we must be kind. And we must be kind not only to the outside world, but to those who are near and dear to us. Kindness is a lifestyle that must begin at home.
Ephesians 4:32… Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Matthew 7:12… So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
Proverbs 19:22… That which makes a man to be desired is his kindness; and a poor man is better than a liar.
Proverbs 31:6… She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
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