Rocking and remembering

Tonight my heart was flooded with emotions as I rocked this sweet angel to sleep.  Why?  I really can’t explain.  Today wasn’t a special date, nothing new happened… it was just an ordinary day.  Or, rather, as ordinary as our life ever is.  I was sick, Raegan was sick, it’s the last week of school, and Kirby is preparing for a two-week military leave, so the day has been filled with busyness.  My mind has been running in a million different directions and my calendar is out of empty space to write appointments in, but life just paused for a few minutes as I rocked Harper to sleep tonight.  I was rocking her while talking to Kirby and watching Maddie run around the house, and I felt Harper’s fingers lock around my finger.  In the midst of all the chaos I glanced down at her.  Time stood still as I saw that she was gazing up at me, studying my face, and when I made eye contact, she broke into this huge grin behind her pacifier… and my heart melted.  My mind drifted back to those days at Duke, when her head and face were covered with breathing tubes and drains and monitors… how I would long to see her open her eyes for just a second, how I would hold on to her tiny little hand and pray for God to work miracles in her precious body… how I wondered if I would ever hear her cry, if she would ever recognize my face, if I’d even get to hold my own baby for a few minutes, much less rock her to sleep.  And tonight I was once again humbled at God’s amazing power and love as she held onto my finger and grinned at me, and fell asleep in my arms.  I am so very grateful that God has given me this little person to be a constant reminder of how wonderful He is…

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