On February 12, 2013, my life changed forever. I didn’t know when I woke up that morning that by the day’s end nothing would ever be the same. And as the events of that day unfolded into the events of the following days, and weeks, and months, I still did not realize what any of it would mean, or just how much my life would change.
It was on that day that I received the most devastating news I had ever received- the baby girl I had carried in my womb for the past 37 weeks was not as “perfect” and healthy as they had thought. They had missed something huge, and that something could cost us her life. In fact, chances were probable that she would not survive.
There are no words to express the thoughts and feelings that come in those moments when everything you know is ripped from you and your faith is shaken to the core. We all know that we never really know, that life is full of uncertainty and anyone’s life could change in an instant- but we just don’t truly fathom what that means until that instant hits.
It’s been three years now, and yet it feels like an eternity ago. It’s hard to remember what our life was like before our little fighter came along. It’s difficult to recall a life without doctors and medications and brain scans… before I knew about hydrocephalus and brain cysts and porencephaly and seizure disorders… a time in which we did “normal” things without thinking about how it would affect our youngest… when we spent time away from our kids without worrying over what might happen while we were gone… when we slept through the night in our room without a child… when I had a career and we were on the go all the time and stayed so, so busy… when we took so much for granted and didn’t really count the gifts in each day, didn’t personally realize the healing strength of our great God, neglected to celebrate the power of prayer.
Yes, life looks drastically different now. That day three years ago turned everything completely upside-down and sent us on a ride that we could have never imagined being on. I had no idea of the path God was preparing us for. This week is always a tough one for this mommy’s heart as I reflect on the start of this journey and all the uncertainty it holds… but it’s also a time of refocusing my attention on the One who knows all the how’s and whys and whose plans are always for my good. It’s a time to remember the bad but rejoice in the good He has brought forth from it. It’s a time to let go of the worries and fears and celebrate the miracles… Because three years later, I spend my days with a vibrant, joyful, precious little girl who loves life and keeps us laughing, and I couldn’t ask for more.