Have you ever felt that you were caught in a vicious cycle that just continues to spin around on repeat? That’s been me for the past three years. Sometimes it seems we are in this constant motion of three steps forward, two steps back.
Harper has done well this past month and a half. She took to physical therapy well, started taking her meds like a champ (as in my three year old is eager to swallow four whole pills a day- woohoo!), and no seizure activity. We were on a steady upward trend.
BUT, just over a week ago, those stinking seizures snuck back up on us. Harper collapsed walking out of a restaurant one afternoon as the muscles in her right leg failed her, and when I picked her up, I realized she was unable to focus her eyes or respond to my questions. Over the next couple of days she experienced two more focal seizures that I noticed, and then on Sunday night she had a major seizure while sleeping. Her entire body was affected, and I had to administer her emergency medication. Thankfully it did the job and the seizure subsided after seven minutes.
We were out of town at the time, so we made our way back home and Harper had a couple more focal seizures. She had a more challenging time in therapy this week as one side of her body seemed significantly weaker, and there was some talk about muscle memory and the concern that Harper may be struggling a bit in that area.
Then, to top it all off, we ended up at the doctor today because she has developed cellulitis (infection) in her legs again, this time from mosquito bites. So we are retreating back into our bubble for a bit once again, steering clear of germs while she runs this round of antibiotics, staying out of the heat and away from outside bugs, and trying to settle back in to some good routines and schedules… Basically anything we can do to alleviate risks of illness or seizures and boost her strength and immune system.
It can be difficult to not get discouraged. We had such a good stretch of good health and no seizures, then within one week she gets hit with so many obstacles. I’ve cried many tears and felt so much frustration because it just doesn’t seem fair.
But God is faithful. As I’ve grown weary and honestly struggled to find words to pray, He’s held me and gently reminded me of His goodness. We have come so far. He has filled us with strength when we were ready to collapse. She has overcome so very much, flown over hurdle after hurdle with grace and power. These things are so small in comparison to where she started, and even smaller in light of eternity. She wakes up each morning with a smile, ready to take on the day, and endures trials with a joy that cannot be explained apart from Jesus.
So, yet again, I have been reminded to count the gifts, to be thankful for all of the seemingly small things that are pointing to an extraordinary God. He’s with us every moment of the journey, and His promises are true.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deuteronomy 31:8)