I awoke this morning with my mind caught up in a dream I had last night. It was an odd dream and I couldn't wrap my brain around it. I was falling through the rain, deep gray skies all around, but right before hitting the ground I was caught up in someone's arms and set upright on my feet, and all around rainbows began to shimmer through the dark skies. And in an instant I went from paralyzing fear to overwhelming joy at the sight of God's promise in the sky.
Now, let me just say, I do not normally have these deeply profound dreams. I have weird dreams that make no sense at all, crazy dreams with talking animals and random people, the kind of dreams you just forget about when you wake up because they're so ridiculous. But last night's dream could not have come at a more perfect time, and I learned that at about 9:00 this morning.
You really would think that with all of the unexpected we have faced in the last several years, nothing would catch us off-guard anymore. But, alas, here I sit in my confusion and shock. We have another surprise visit to Duke ahead of us this week.
We noticed last week that Harper has what appears to be a heavy-duty stitch popping through the skin on her head. Unfortunately, it has only popped up on the middle, and both ends seem to be securely fastened to something and aren't coming out. It's getting red and sore, and after sending pictures to her neurosurgeon, they want to see her Wednesday. We will be doing labs and CT scans because there is some concern that she could be developing an infection in her bone in that area, and they are planning to put her under and take her to the operating room to fix it. The good news is that if her scans are clean and her skull looks good and everything goes smoothly, we should be able to take her home that evening without having to stay in the hospital overnight.
This was not in our plans this week. Life has been hectic, crazy and busy but normal, and that's been a good place to be, a comfortable place. And while this is not really a major thing, it feels like a major thing. It's been a day of phone calls and texts, coordinating with doctors and friends and family to make sure everything is taken care of. It's been stressful and worrisome and I'm getting cranky. And I've cried, a lot, because quite frankly, I just don't want to do this. I don't want to visit that hospital again and smell all the smells and hear all the sounds and feel all the emotions. I don't want to send my kids off in every direction to be cared for by others. I don't want to put my baby through needles and tests and scans. And I certainly don't want to place her in the hands of a doctor who will put her to sleep and then cut on her precious head while I helplessly sit in a waiting room with other distraught parents, trying not to worry.
Nope, I don't want to. But, I have to. And I have to choose to trust in the promises of the One who has formed this sweet girl, whose plans are always better than my own. I have to choose to fall into His arms, and to look through the rain and see the rainbow. He isn't finished with us yet.
Please pray with us that this will be a simple procedure, that there will be no issues with her bone and no infection to contend with, and that Harper (and Mom and Dad) will have peace through this little bump in the road. Thanks friends