“God is enough.”

That one sentence caught my eye on social media as I was scrolling through aimlessly, waiting for Harper’s next appointment. I scrolled past, but found myself going back to it, staring at the words.

“God is enough.”

It hit me. Hard.

We had just finished the day’s first appointment, an appointment with neuropsychology to do some follow-up testing. They had done some repeat testing to see if Harper made any cognitive gains after being on this new medication for just over a month. While it will take time to get the full report, the doctor pulled me in to discuss what she knows thus far.

Harper made great gains in her attention and focus. Over the years this has fluctuated, and some doctors have pushed for ADHD medications, but with Harper, it’s all related to her seizure activity and medication side effects, so we’ve never gone that route. Today hearing that her attention has diagnostically improved was a huge gain for us.

However, that was pretty much it in terms of improvements. Her recall, comprehension, and math skills, among other things, are all still not where they need to be, so the doctor spoke to me about adjusting our approach to her learning. This has been mentioned to me a couple of times in the last year, and today was a bit more direct. Basically, there are areas that seem to not be improving and things they don’t think she will be able to learn.

At this point, the recommendation is to start focusing more on life skills rather than a traditional curriculum approach. Up to now, we’ve always pushed Harper to learn what other kids her age are learning in school with hopes that we’d be able to give her enough scaffolding and assistance to eventually get it.

But in the last year or so, it has become more of a frustration for her and for us as she struggles to understand and we work through some of the same exact things day after day as if she’s never seen it before. It would get discouraging at times, but I always held on to the hope that it would eventually click and stick. It never occurred to me that it wouldn’t.

So today was a bit of a gut-punch. On the one hand, I know I should feel some relief in knowing that it’s not just us, that she really is unable to learn some of these things. And relief that we can stop putting so much emphasis on that and focus more on areas that will bring her success.

But, then there’s the other hand. The one that knows they’re saying that at ten years old, this could be about as far as we get. That despite our efforts, she’s not going to catch up to everyone else her age. That although we know God has a plan and a purpose for her, her future is probably not going to look like what one would hope for a “normal,” neuro-typical child. There may not be driving and dating and graduating and going off to college and getting married. It’s going to look different.

But… “God is enough.”

God is enough when everything is different.

God is enough when you don’t get the results you’re hoping for.

God is enough when the improvements aren’t enough.

God is enough when you’re in unchartered waters.

God is enough when your child just can’t get to that next place.

God is enough when you just can’t fix it.

God is enough when your heart hurts.

God is enough when your own strength is not enough.

God is enough when your own wisdom is not enough.

God is enough when your own efforts are not enough.

I’ve had to remind myself of that today. Regardless of what happens today, tomorrow, or ten years from now, He is enough. Regardless of how strong my emotions are or what words anyone has to say to me, He is enough. Regardless of changing directions and shifting dreams, He is enough. He is all I need. He is all my daughter needs. He is all any of us need.

Harper will complete an overnight EEG tonight and we wait to see what those results show in terms of the effectiveness of her current regimen. Most likely we will continue on this treatment plan for about five more months, then reevaluate as this current treatment loses effectiveness at the six-month mark and can’t be continued beyond that. This either fixes things and we wean off at that point, or it doesn’t and we look for another plan.

Either way, God is enough.

Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
-Psalm 73:23-26