Aubrey Grace

Today was a very special day… my newest niece, Aubrey Grace, joined us in this crazy world.  It was so exciting to get to hold her and love on her for the first time, but I was shocked that I found the experience a little bittersweet.  As I snuggled with her and watched her and gave her a bottle, I caught myself fighting back tears.  Tears of joy, first, as my experience with Harper has made me all the more aware of what a miracle the birth of a child is.  But I was also sad (and, honestly, in a very selfish way)- I realized how much I missed with my Harper.  Those sweet first hours and days for us were broken by the sound of a helicopter taking my baby girl away to a world of doctors and surgeries and tubes and wires and medications.  At six weeks, we haven’t had a first night together as a family, a first bottle feeding, skin-to-skin snuggling, a chance to just walk around the room while holding her… she’s grown and changed and been through so much, and as a mommy I’ve missed so many of those little things that I took for granted with my other children.

BUT (and this is a big “but”)… Harper is still alive.  I can have a pity party and feel sorry for us, or I can praise God for saving her and for allowing us to witness the miracle of her life.  Every step forward is a gift from God, a moment that we didn’t know we would experience with her.  No room for tears of sorrow when I consider how very blessed I am to be the mommy of such an incredibly strong miracle.

My happy little miracle