“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

-Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)

“Lord, give me patience.” I can’t speak for other moms, but I know this prayer is uttered at least five times a day in my home! I so flippantly ask for God to grant me patience in dealing with life, but I never pause to consider what it is exactly that I’m asking God for. And often I forget that by asking for God to give me patience, I’m really asking for opportunities to exhibit patience (and those opportunities tend to test my patience!). Can you relate?

It’s important to know what it is I’m asking God for, and to make sure I strive to attain it according to His standards and not my own. So, I looked up various definitions of patience, and found a myriad of responses. Merriam-Webster was the vaguest with “the capacity, habit, or fact of being patient.” Google gave me “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” Dictionary.com had several definitions, two of which were “an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay” and “quiet, steady perseverance.” And Wikipedia listed patience as “the state of endurance under difficult circumstances.” Good definitions, but when I want truth, I go to God’s word, and there I found a definition of patience according to His standards…

1. Patience is persevering in all circumstances.
   • Romans 5:3… “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance…”
   • Romans 12:12… “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
   • James 1:2-4… “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
   • Hebrews 12:1… “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
   • Hebrews 10:36… “You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”
2. Patience is hopeful.
   • Romans 5:4-5… “…perseverance produces character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.”
   • Romans 8:24-25… “”For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”
3. Patience is loving and kind.
   • Ephesians 4:2… “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
   • I Corinthians 13:4… “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”
   • II Timothy 2:24… “And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.”
4. Patience is slow to anger.
   • Ecclesiastes 7:9… “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the laps of fools.”
   • James 1:19-20… “…Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
   • Proverbs 15:18… “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.”
   • Proverbs 16:32… “Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than the one who takes a city.”
5. Patience is waiting on the Lord.
   • Psalm 37:7-9… “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.”
   • Psalm 46:10… “”Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
   • Isaiah 40:31… “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
   • James 5:7-8… “Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You, too, be patient and stand firm, for the Lord’s coming is near.”
6. Patience trusts His plan (and not our own!).
   • Jeremiah 29:11… “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’”
   • Galatians 6:9… “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
   • Proverbs 19:21… ”Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Patience is a choice we make each day. We make that choice by choosing God’s agenda over our own. It often means letting go of our own expectations and desires. It means accepting apologies that we may never hear. It means admitting our own wrongs and shortcomings even when it hurts our pride. It means choosing to respond in love rather than just react in the moment. It isn’t always easy, but it is attainable when we tap into the power of the Holy Spirit living within us and allow ourselves to be continuously filled by Him. As we each live our days in our own mission fields, be it work or home, let’s make the decision to choose patience.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

-Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)

We live in the age of hustle and bustle, the age of planners and calendars and schedules. Our success is measured by the number of things we can check off of our to-do list each day. (And, in a moment of raw truth and transparency here, sometimes I write down things on my to-do list just so that I can immediately check them off and feel better about what I’ve accomplished that day!) We are a society that has to be on the go, always doing more, always thinking ahead and moving fast.

Add to that stress the fact that we also live in a sinful, fallen world that is constantly in turmoil. In this age of technology bad news is in our faces every minute of every day, and it can consume our human nature. As a mom, it can be such a struggle to not feel overwhelmed by fear and anxiety as I am continuously faced with the reality of raising children in a broken world. Peace can seem like such a foreign concept… when my eyes look around instead of upward.

But when my eyes look up to the Maker of this world and to the words of life He has given, peace is attainable once again. Biblical peace is always within reach as long as I’m reaching out to the author of true peace. This peace that I’m speaking of is not worldly peace, nor an absence of troubles. Quite the contrary… we are promised that life in this world will be full of trials and tribulations (see John 16:33). However, true peace, peace that comes only from a relationship with God through Christ, is peace that is completely unrelated to the circumstances of life. So, how do we find that peace and live in it?

1. Recognize the character of Christ. If we believe Jesus is Who He says He is, we must recognize that He is the epitome of peace. And in order to recognize that, we must spend time with Him. Christianity is not a religion… it is a relationship with a living Savior, and relationships must be nurtured and treasured in order to grow. Spend time in the Word, learning more about who He is. Memorize the Scriptures, and talk to Him regularly. He desires our attention, and wants us to seek Him with all of our hearts.

• Isaiah 9:6… For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
• Matthew 5:9… Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
• Colossians 3:15… Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.

2. Live in the victory He’s already won. Satan has been defeated. Our sins have been forgiven and wiped away. We no longer live in bondage! Don’t let Satan convince you otherwise. Satan wants nothing more than to rob you of peace. He would love to see you struggle and fight and be discouraged. So often we defeat ourselves, refusing to accept the victory we have in Christ. We dwell on past mistakes and beat ourselves up over things we’ve done wrong. Take those thoughts captive! The story has already been written, and guess what- God wins! Our chains are gone and we are no longer slaves to sin.

• Titus 3:3-7… At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.
• 2 Corinthians 10:4-5… The weapons we fight with are not weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

3. Embrace God’s will for your life. There is a confidence that comes from knowing you’re living life in accordance with God’s will. When we stop focusing on what we want out of life and stop placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves, we leave room for Him to work through us and in us to accomplish His plans. And when life becomes less about me and more about Him, peace abounds.

• Jeremiah 29:11… “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

4. Acknowledge God’s omnipotence. We serve a mighty, all-powerful God. He created this world and all that is in it, and He holds our lives in His hands. Why do we worry? Time wasted in worry is time that could be better spent seeking His face. When we begin to worry and feel anxious, we’re really saying that we don’t trust God to do what He says He’ll do. Do we truly doubt that the God of the universe is able to handle the problems that arise in our lives? He’s God! He’s got this, so we need to spend less time trying to control things and more time praising the One who is ultimately in control.

• Isaiah 40:28… Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom.
• I Peter 5:7… Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
• Philippians 4:6-7… Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

5. Accept the power of the Holy Spirit. As followers of Christ, we have the Spirit in us… tap into it! We aren’t expected to handle this world and its troubles on our own. My lack of peace quite often stems from my insistence on being in control. I am not in control! He is in control, and He enables me to do the tasks that He desires for me to do through the power of the Holy Spirit. Oh, what peace is found in resting in Him and allowing His Spirit to work through me! We have an unlimited resource of power and strength readily available if we let go of ourselves and embrace Him.

• Romans 15:13… May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
• Acts 1:8… But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.
• Philippians 4:13… I can do all things through him who gives me strength.

As we go about our daily lives and routines, following schedules and adding more and more to our to-do lists, let’s remember to pause and be filled. Make an effort each day to sit down in the presence of the author of peace. Read His word, talk to Him through prayer, worship Him in song, or just be still… The peace you long for will be found in His presence.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

-Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)

When you hear the word joy, what comes to mind? Happiness? Cheerfulness? A smiling face? Joy is most often defined in respect to our feelings and emotions, but true joy as God defines it is so much more. While joy and happiness are frequently used synonymously, they are so very different. Happiness is a fleeting feeling, a circumstantial emotion. We can be happy one moment and sad the next. It’s fluid, subject to change at any given time. However, joy as God intends is something we have regardless of our situation in life. It doesn’t just melt away or disappear when troubles arise. It’s constant, a God-given gift. If we dive into God’s word, we can see that He has laid out for us what His joy is…

1. Joy is strength. In life, we all have those moments that we realize how very weak we as humans are. Bad news from a doctor, that devastating phone call, a wayward child, marital strife, bills we cannot pay… things happen unexpectedly that knock us down. But when we have true joy, we don’t stay down- we find the strength to get back up, a strength that only comes from spending time in the presence of our omnipotent Father.

• Nehemiah 8:10 “… Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
• I Chronicles 16:27 “Splendor and majesty are before Him; strength and joy in His dwelling place.”

2. Joy is fulfilling. Ever have one of those days where you just feel drained? Sometimes as a mom it feels like everyone needs more and more from you and of you, and it can suck you dry. When you feel you’ve been depleted of all you have to offer, God is right there, ready to fill you back up to overflowing with His presence, love, and grace. When our focus is turned to Him, our souls overflow with His joy.

• Psalm 4:7 “You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and wine abound.”
• Psalm 16:11 “You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”

3. Joy endures. Living a joy-filled life does not mean that life is going to be sunshine and roses. It doesn’t even mean that we have to force a smile when everything seems to be crashing around us… we don’t become immune to pain or heartache, nor are we called to put on a front for those around us. Life is hard- but we have joy in knowing that our circumstances are temporary. As the song “Before the Morning” by Josh Wilson goes, “…the pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” There is a time for mourning and weeping, but joy in knowing that this, too, shall pass.

• Psalm 30:5 “…Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.”
• Hebrews 12:2 “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

4. Joy is expressed. We have joy because of who He is, and we express that joy through worship. Even on our worst days, we can express joy in our relationship with Christ. Because of Him, our trials and tribulations are temporary and we have a perfect eternity awaiting us. That very thought should fill us so full of joy that we cannot keep from singing and shouting His praises! The joy we have in Him gives us great hope, and we should take every opportunity to express our gratitude. Life is one big opportunity- Are we seizing that opportunity? When our children look at us, do they see a heart that is full of the joy of the Lord, or do they see a grumbling spirit? When we are filled with the joy of the Lord, it overflows into a life of worship.

• Psalm 28:7 “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.”
• Job 8:21 “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.”

As we continue to push our way through our life journey and embrace our calling as moms, let’s make an extra effort to let ourselves be filled with joy. Find joy in the midst… in the midst of chaos… in the midst of dishes and laundry… in the midst of negativity… in the midst of the pile of bills… in the midst of illness… in the midst of daily routines… in the midst of all that demands our attention… in the midst of it all, there is joy to be found. Our Father wants to fill us, but the only way to stay filled up is to spend time daily in His presence, studying His Word, talking with Him in prayer, and praising Him, even in the small things. The joy we have in Him far exceeds the pain and struggles of this life, so let’s shift our focus away from the temporary and to the eternal and live a life of overflowing joy.

I always thought giving birth to you was the hardest thing I would ever do.  Whatever way you look at it, birth is no joke.  After one “regular” birth, one planned cesarean, and one emergency cesarean, I can attest to the fact that it’s all tough.  But, as hard as that was, it doesn’t compare to this job of mommyhood.

You see, once you little people arrive in this world, life turns completely upside-down.  Nothing is ever the same.  All that I thought I knew about love melted when they placed you in my arms.  That heart of mine that I always protected was now wide open on the outside of my body for the world to see.  Everything I ever thought I wanted or needed vanished when I first looked in your eyes.  That person I was so intent on becoming became a distant memory as I became a mom.  All of the goals and plans I had for myself suddenly seemed greatly insignificant as I realized I was responsible for leading and guiding this little life in my arms.

Then we brought you home- and now you’ll never leave.  You may grow up and move on and even start a family of your own one day, but for us, you’re here forever.  We will always be your home.  You will always be my baby.  We will forever think of you and worry over you and advise you and pray for you and love you- no matter how old you get to be.  My life is forever intertwined with your life, and nothing will be able to change that.

Being your mom is hard.  Right now the days are long and full.  There is always a spill to clean, dishes to wash, clothes to fold, meals to cook, errands to run… Always a story to read, or a game to play, or a hug to give.  The days are full of laughter and tears and fighting and love.  Emotions run rampant in a house full of girls, and some days we all just want to scream!  We dream and grow and imagine and learn… and never slow down.  Some days I simply CAN. NOT. WAIT! for bedtime to come… but then I find myself crouched by your beds as you sleep, wondering what you’re dreaming, soaking up your peaceful beauty, and praying over you.

Oh, my little ones, there is no worry like that of a mother… I have to make tough decisions every day, choices that you don’t always like or agree with.  Sometimes I have to be the bad guy, and I know you think I love it, but I really, really don’t.  My heart literally aches for you when I see your tears, but it explodes inside when I see your eyes full of joy.  There is so much I want to teach you, so much that I want you to understand, so much I want to give you.  I want so badly to do this mom-thing right, but I make mistakes- EVERY. DAY.  You see, I’m learning as we go, and maybe, just maybe, you are, too.  Perhaps you are learning from my failures and mishaps, and perhaps one day you’ll be a better mom yourself because of them.

As we celebrate Mother’s Day this year, I want you to know that you are my favorite gift.  Yes, being your mom is challenging.  Yes, the days are long and wearisome.  Yes, moms work hard!  But being your mom is the greatest joy I have ever experienced.  Being your mom grows me and bends me and challenges me… and ultimately deepens my relationship with the One who gave you to me.  Being your mom has enabled me to see the world in a different light, and to love with a love that I never knew imaginable.  Being your mom is an undeserved gift, and it is my greatest accomplishment.  So, happy Mother’s Day, my loves… Thank you for the gift of being your mom.

So, here’s the deal.  The “momster” (yes, I am totally using that term I’ve seen floating around social media lately) in me has been making more of an appearance than I would like to admit these days.  Lack of patience, lack of joy, lack of peace, lack of kindness, lack of gentleness, lack of self control… I could go on through all of the fruits of the Spirit, but you get my point.  Overall, a lack of Jesus!  Time neglected with Him results in a lot of ugly gunk showing up in my daily walk.  Since I clearly need a refresher course on what it means to live in the Spirit as a mom, I’m revisiting a series of “studies” I wrote a couple of years ago for our moms’ group at church… and sharing them on here for anyone else who wants to join me!

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“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

-Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)

Let’s talk about love…

As we dive into God’s Word together and examine the role of the fruit of the Spirit in our lives as moms, we are going to see that it is not by accident that love is the first fruit mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23. Living a life of love as God intends will evoke the other fruits listed: joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

When we think of what love is, many of us immediately think of the thirteenth chapter of the book of I Corinthians- after all, it is widely known as the love chapter. Take a moment now to read that passage. Now let’s look at the connection between the love chapter and the fruit of the Spirit. Take a minute to think about what I Corinthians 13 says about each of the fruits of the Spirit.

By definition, love in and of itself should produce the other fruits that are mentioned in Galatians 5. You cannot live a fruitful life without exhibiting a life of love. But… what does love look like? Here are some of the many characteristics of love found in the greatest love story of all time- God’s word…

1. Love is self-sacrificing. Love is a verb. It is something that we choose to do. “They do not love that do not show their love” (Shakespeare). To live a life characterized by love, we must be willing to let go of ourselves and accept the fact that this life is not about us. Of course, speaking mom to mom here, I’m preaching to the choir. Nighttime feedings, dirty diapers, mountains of laundry, kissing boo-boos, playing chauffer, spending that hard-earned money on new shoes and lessons and sports and toys… moms understand giving. But, it’s not just about what we give, but also the attitude with which we give it. Do we ensure that our children know how much we have sacrificed for their sake? Or do we give with such cheerfulness and willingness that they don’t even realize a sacrifice has been made? Love is not about keeping score or playing the martyr. We are called to give selflessly out of love with no ulterior motives.

 2 Corinthians 9:7… Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

 Romans 5:8… But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were sinners, Christ died for us.

 John 15:12-13… My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

 2.  Love is forgiving. Yes, we are going there. If you love as God loves, you forgive, plain and simple. Yes, it is difficult and even painful at times. Yes, it seems unfair and somewhat foolish by the world’s standards. It involves trust and humility and courage… but it’s worth it. Forgiveness is freedom- we live a life of freedom because He has forgiven us, and when we forgive, we are freed from the chains of anger and resentment and bitterness. And, as the saying goes, we forgive because God has forgiven the unforgivable in us.

Matthew 6:14-15… For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Mark 11:25… And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Colossians 3:13… Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

 Psalm 130:3-4… If You, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness; therefore You are feared.

3.  Love is relentless. In the book of Hosea, we find an unusual love story. Hosea deeply loved his wife, Gomer, and their children. However, Gomer was unfaithful to Hosea, and Hosea even lost her for some time. Yet Hosea did not give up on Gomer, and he found her and brought her back home. This relationship mirrors the relationship God had with Israel. While Israel turned away from God time and time again, He relentlessly pursued His people… nothing can stop God’s all-pursuing love.

Hosea 3:1… The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.”

Psalm 23:6… Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

 Psalm 130:7-8… O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption. He Himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.

Joel 2:12-13… “Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.”

 4.  Love is loyal. Throughout the Scriptures we see evidence of the loyalty of real love, the kind of love God intends for us to show one another. The story of Ruth demonstrates love so strong that it withstands the stresses of grief and separation… Despite extremely trying circumstances, Ruth remained fervently loyal to Naomi. The accounts of David display the loyal love between two friends, David and Jonathan. David’s greatest enemy was his best friend’s father, but their friendship refused to be compromised. And in the New Testament, we see John, the disciple whom Jesus loved. John was loyal to the end in declaring Christ’s love… His love for God was so great that He defined God himself as love.

Ruth 1:16-17… But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.”

I Samuel 20:17… And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.

I John 4:8… Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Take some time today to look for more characteristics of love in the Word of God. But beyond just looking, take some time to consider what characteristics of love you’re exhibiting day to day. As women, we spend time each day putting on the right outfit, picking out our favorite shoes, choosing just the right accessories, and applying our make-up (or putting on our face, as my husband calls it). I’m issuing a challenge here… before you step into your closet each day to put on those things that we deem so important, step into the presence of the very definition of Love, our Holy Father, and let Him clothe you in love.

Above all, clothe yourselves with love… -Colossians 3:14

Two years ago I left the hospital with my third (and last) baby girl.  Our family of five was finally complete.  We spent over ten long weeks (72 days, to be exact) in a strange world of surgeries and blood transfusions and medications and IVs and doctors and hard-to-swallow diagnoses.  There were moments of heartbreak, weeping over a tube-ridden infant, begging God for a miracle.  We lingered in the unknown and lived in a state of confusion, wondering how we got to that place so quickly.  We sat beside her bed watching monitors, and laid hands on her and prayed big prayers.  We tried to split our time between the sick baby who needed us and the scared big girls who also needed us.  We celebrated over tiny milestones that brought us closer to going home, and struggled to keep the faith when things seemed to slide backward.  We watched in envy as other families took their precious miracles home, and fought the fear that gripped when less fortunate families around us lost their battles.  We asked why over and over again, only to be reminded that the ultimate answer is Who.

God granted our family a miracle and we left that hospital with songs of praise to the One who had brought us so far.  While we rejoiced, there remained a bit of fearful anticipation as to what lied ahead.  We were leaping into a new world of watching a baby sleep to make sure she was breathing… taking her to doctors constantly to be monitored… setting alarms to remind us of medication times… developing IFSPs with a caseworker and recording goals for our baby to achieve… learning how to handle a high-need, very temperamental little person… working with therapists multiple times a week to boost development… regular road trips to Duke… MRIs and cat scans and EEGs… dealing with insurance companies and medical billing and accepting that we can only do so much… discovering that big medical words I had never heard were now a part of my normal vocabulary… accepting that we face an unknown future and aren’t guaranteed tomorrow… throwing aside all that I thought I knew about a normal life and embracing this new normal.

As what was the new normal is now just normal, I need reminders to not grow complacent.  We’ve done this dance for two years now, and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions.  That temperamental baby is now a wild two-year old who has met all of her goals and amazed us all.  She is spunky and fiery and curious about the world.  She has a bigger-than-life personality, and thrives on making people laugh.  She’s brave and fearless and soars through challenges with the strength of a warrior.  She is my picture of hope and grace… my walking, talking, bubbly miracle.

Yet in the hustle and bustle of everyday life I can lose sight of that, and I need to be reminded that this moment is a gift.  I don’t want to overlook the blessings I’ve been given.  I need to remember to thank God and give Him praise and glory for the miracles He has bestowed upon us.  I don’t want to forget that I don’t deserve this- that this day and all of the gifts in it are because of God’s mercy and grace- not because of anything I have done.  I deserve nothing, and I want to forever be in awe of the One who showers me with love in spite of myself.

Life is not certain.  There are no guarantees.  We take for granted that babies are born healthy and children grow and play and learn and develop normally.  We think we should grow old with our families and see our children’s children and everyone should live happily ever after.  It’s what we know and what we grow to expect- and think we deserve.  We lose sight of the miracle of life and the gifts of grace.  But sometimes there’s a plot twist, a surprise that catches us off-guard, and the life we know is shattered… and we’re left standing in the rubble.  And it’s there we see that God can take those broken pieces and mend them together in the most beautiful way.  It may be totally different from we pictured, but chances are, it’s far more amazing.  He brings beauty from ashes…

…He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.  -Isaiah 61:1-3

…I am He, I am He who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.  -Isaiah 46:4

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”  -Jeremiah 29:11-13

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”  -John 13:7

I recently heard the quote, “It’s okay to look back at the past.  Just don’t stare.”  Such truth!  There can be much to celebrate and learn from our past, but God has not created us to live there.  Time rolls on for a reason.  Last week I was blessed to attend a special “rewind” service at our church.  This is the only church I’ve ever been a part of, and there are a LOT of memories within those walls!  This service was a flashback to the earlier days in the old chapel, complete with Baptist hymnals and choir robes, and revisiting the “old” church brought back some sweet memories.

I gripped those old wooden pews in conviction as a teenage girl, and I walked down that aisle with my dad to surrender my life to Christ.  I was baptized in the old baptismal pool up front as my family all watched.  I knelt at that altar on multiple occasions, pouring my heart out to God.  Friendships grew, rooted in Christ, as we worshiped side by side in those pews, and my life was forever changed when a certain boy asked me on a date as we walked out of that building.  I stood with my friends in graduation gowns before our church family, ready to start a new chapter in life, and stood again with friends as they married years later.  I walked that same aisle in a white gown to commit my life to my love- that same boy who had asked me on that date a few years back.  I laughed my way through family photos with my new husband at the front of that chapel, and just over a year later we celebrated the new life growing in my belly in the room behind the sanctuary.  We stood side by side at the front of that chapel again as a family, giving our daughter to the Lord and committing ourselves to be the parents God called us to be.  And, once again, new life was celebrated years later as my firstborn passed through those same baptismal waters after giving her heart to Jesus.

Yes, certainly lots of fond memories to cherish forever… times that I want to remember and share with my children.  But, while it was fun to think back to those “old” times, I am so grateful that I can anticipate better times in the future!  God isn’t finished yet, and He hasn’t called us to stay put.  He promises us that the best is still to come.  He hasn’t called us to a life of ritual and repetition and mediocrity.  He calls us to new life… He calls us to grow… He calls us to push forward… and He calls us to follow Him.  Our focus isn’t to remain fixed on what was, or even what is, but rather on what is yet to come… because when we surrender to His will, greater things have yet to come.

Here is an overall view of our journey of hope with Harper…

These are the days that count, the moments that matter… Throwing caution to the wind, forgetting the to-do lists and saying, “Yes” to a blue-eyed angel who sees the beauty in the day and wants to embrace it.  The smell of salt air, the sound of the ocean waves, sun warm on my skin… reveling in Almighty God’s amazing creation.

The excited squeals of a miracle baby with her chunky toes digging deep in the sand… a little girl with endless joy and enthusiasm running and flipping down the beach, over and over and over again… sun beams dancing off the bright blue sea… chasing sea gulls with arms spread wide… discovering sea shells deep in the dirt… happy to be here, to be together, to be alive.

We’ll have to venture back to the real world, and the tasks we left behind will be waiting when we return… but oh, the freedom in leaving it all for this moment!  We get so caught up in all that “must” be done each day, and we lose sight of what is most important.  When these little ones grow and move on, they won’t remember all that we accomplished each day or the many checks on the checklist… they’ll remember these days, the days in which life was embraced and praise was given.  The joy that is found just in recognizing the gift of the day, the blessings of life- joy that comes from knowing the Giver of these gifts.  Sometimes it just takes a little spontaneity to bring us back, to remind us of all we have to be thankful for, to shift our focus back to the One who matters most.

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”  -Matthew 26:39

These words of Jesus were spoken to the Father not once, not twice, but three times as He knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane.  We see our Savior in anguish over what was to come, glorious face to the earth, blood-sweat dropping to the ground, sorrowful and exhausted… desiring another way, but embracing the Father’s way.

The Father’s way… the way that requires the shedding of blood.  A Holy God cannot look at sinful man but for the blood of a spotless Lamb.  The Father’s way was difficult, was painful, was humbling… but was perfect.  A perfect sacrifice.  And Jesus, the Son of God, wept, and relented to the Father’s way.  “Not my will, but thine.”  He willingly embraced death on a cross…

But perhaps, just maybe, it wasn’t death on a cross that He didn’t want to face.  Maybe it wasn’t the torture and humiliation that was to come.  Maybe, maybe it was sin.  Our sin.  My sin.  Sin placed upon the perfect Lamb of God that would separate Him from the Father.  There was physical pain, no doubt, that would be endured on that old rugged cross, but that was no comparison to the pain that would felt in those moments of utter darkness as the Father became Holy God, unleashing His wrath over sin once and for all.  The Son of God became sin- Perfection destroyed under the weight of my sin.  The one thing He did not know was sin- and He took it for me.

Praise God, that wasn’t the end of the story!  The world thought it had won, Satan got a taste of victory, but the war was far from over.  As the blood was shed, new life began… and on the third day, He rose again.  The grave was defeated, death reigned no more, and the promise of eternity was fulfilled for all who believe.  Victory, sweet victory, in Jesus!