Once again, it’s been ages since I’ve blogged, so I thought now is as good a time as any to do a quick update! First, I never finished blogging our Cambodia travels… I do have all of it written down on paper, but I just haven’t found the time to type it up. One day, maybe…
Ironically, it was a bittersweet homecoming. I was so very grateful to hug my girls and see my family, and to return to my luxurious lifestyle of flushing toilets, hot water, and bugs and reptiles that remain outside. Yet as everyone asked me about how great it felt to be back home, a small part of me was hesitant. There was something so amazing, so fulfilling, about waking up each morning knowing that your entire day was going to be centered around prayer and seeing God at work. I feel guilty even thinking this, much less typing it, but my life here tends to be a little off-centered. God is not always at the forefront of my day. (And I know how horrid that sounds, especially coming from a Christian wife and mother and teacher at a Christian school!) I do try to live my day according to His will and purpose, and I strive to seek Him out in all I do, but there was a very stark difference when I woke up on the “mission field” of Cambodia.
I was determined that I would not slip back into the monotony of my routines. I was not going to settle for mediocrity, and I would not lose that fire and passion for Him as I woke each day in my comfortable bed and faced my comfortable life. I was going to refuse to let Satan discourage me, and the problems that I was once so concerned about would no longer take precedence. I was going to come back and live it right!
Notice I said, “I was.” It was a grand plan, and I had the best of intentions. But guess what? Much to my dismay, life happened all over again. We came home to a mountain of laundry, needy children, and the horrific fog of extreme jet-lag. Our jobs had missed us for two weeks, and demanded 110% that first week back- but, oh yea, so did our home and our children! We were exhausted, but there was no time to rest- after all, had we not just been away on “vacation” for two weeks? We had to push it, working longer hours than usual and still managing to keep moving once we got home.
Then things started going downhill. (Yes, I learned that I still had farther down to go). Our washer went out and flooded half the house. Then I got the call that my grandma had been diagnosed with cancer. (I’m still reeling from that one). Then I sideswiped a concrete pole on my way to work. (Fortunately, no injuries and my van was still drivable). The washer went out, again (after we thought it was repaired) and flooded the house, again. As a grand finale to the week, we got smashed on I-40 on our way to celebrate my parent’s anniversary… enough damage that the accident was eleven days ago and we are still looking at another two weeks before we see our van again. With the accident came damage to my shoulder, which took me out of work (again). We had issues with the insurance people and went right at a week with no financial help or transportation.
So, I wish I could say that I haven’t been swayed by these events the past two weeks, but to do so would be lying. I’m struggling. I’m frustrated and ill, and I want God to step in and make all of this better- right now. I know the answers- I know He is still in control, and He has a plan and purpose, and that all things happen in His time. But my human nature is rearing its ugly head right now and wants things to be better! I know Satan attacks hard when we’re growing closer to God, but God has defeated Satan… so why is the devil still having such a field-day with us right now? My update has quickly turned into a pity-party, so on that note I am signing off and heading to bed… despite it all, “His mercies are new every morning.” Bring on the morning!