I’m writing a little weekend update more for myself, to look at all the positives and refocus on the blessings. Because, the truth is, I am a grump this weekend. I’m weary and drained and emotional and just unpleasant to be around. I have really struggled with my emotions this go round- I think I was already on the brink with almost losing my grandma earlier in the week, and then watching Harper struggle for so long on Wednesday sent me over the edge. We don’t usually take this long to bounce back, and I’m a bit impatient!
This week I realized that even though my world flips upside down and I feel like everything comes to a screeching halt, it doesn’t. The world keeps turning, life keeps moving, and there isn’t time for me to sit around and dwell. Nope, there’s just no time to slow down or hide for a while… The military still expects Daddy to serve his time, the big girls still have activities and projects and need attention, the laundry still needs to be washed, dishes done, groceries bought, bills paid, and meals cooked (because these kids in my house like to eat no matter what)! And I’ve been doing the dance with doctors and pharmacists again getting everyone updated and new meds rolling and appointments scheduled, logging meals and sleep and behavior patterns, and preparing bags and checklists for the next time because we always have to look ahead.
But, I digress… On to the good! Because in the midst of pain and chaos and uncertainty, there are still so many gifts, so many things to be thankful for. Harper is recovering well. She finally broke her fever yesterday evening, she isn’t falling or bumping into things quite as much today, she’s starting to eat a little bit, and she is slowly regaining strength in her right arm- yesterday she was barely using it and it was very limp, but it seems stronger today. She has played with her sisters some today, and we’ve removed most of the glue and sticky tape from her hair and body! She’s still lethargic and moody, but that silliness we love is coming back.
God gave me a great opportunity to reflect on how much He has blessed us earlier today. My older girls came in and one asked me why Harper is a miracle. So we started talking about how many times she wasn’t expected to live or live as fully as she does, how many times she beat the odds, how many times God intervened at just the right time… When things aren’t going the way I envisioned and I’m not getting all the answers exactly as I want, it gets easy to lose sight of how far we’ve come. But He has been so faithful, and those questions from my daughter today reminded me of how very blessed I am. He has amazing plans, plans for our good, and He isn’t finished with our story yet.
I also need to take a moment to brag on the amazing people we have in our life- when Harper needed prayer, people all over were praying. Our pastors all came to the hospital to pray with us. My parents and grandparents and sister were there to bring food and drink and just be there. My in-laws cancelled their travel plans to come take care of our big girls and pets. My friend stepped in and packed bags and was the other half of my brain when I couldn’t think of what needed to be done next. My cousin brought Harper a book to read on the way to Duke. We ordered pizza for dinner when we got home with a gift card someone sent us, and had countless cards and texts and messages and offers of help. I could go on and on about all the little things that have meant so much to me… But this is getting long. I am just so thankful for people who jump in and do, for people who pray, for people who check in and support and encourage, for people who are the hands and feet of Jesus- every seemingly small thing makes a huge impact on our life.
So that’s where we are this weekend. Slowly moving forward, still living with the unknown, trying to stay afloat… but remembering to see each day as a gift. ❤️
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. -Psalm 62:5-6