Two

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My baby girl is two. TWO! That means our baby years are behind us and we are fully into toddlerhood. That right there is enough to bring on the waterworks, especially knowing that this is our last “baby”!

But this day brings with it great emotions for even more reasons. While we celebrate two  amazing years with our miracle baby, the memories of that day and the days that followed are not all grand. It was a day of fear and uncertainty, a day of tears and heartbreak as we faced an unknown future. It was a time of accepting that all of our “plans” had been made in vain, and that life is far more precious than we realized. It was learning firsthand that God is still good even when things seem terribly wrong. It was relinquishing control and embracing His plans in place of my own desires.IMG_7672

As a mommy, it is hard to admit that this day two years ago was not one of the best days of my life, and that even though we have been blessed and have come so far, I struggle with my thoughts and emotions on this day. As I remember the loneliness of being separated from the baby I carried for nine months and the fight she faced in the weeks that followed, I hurt. It’s a pain that few can understand. But there is healing that comes with truth, and once I admit the struggle, I am free to count the blessings once again.

And this has been another year of blessings. Dancing (oh, the dancing!) and laughter and words and love… Excitement over milestones reached, joy in accepting each day as a gift. We have a girl who loves life, who makes us smile every hour, who is a constant reminder to embrace this moment. She’s happy and mischievous and bouncy and wild.  She keeps us on our toes and shows us Who is in control. She is His, and has proven that He creates us each uniquely for a purpose.

So as we celebrate this miraculous gift of life today, I am choosing to focus not on all the painful memories of that day, but instead on one amazing moment… The moment I heard her very first cry. It was the moment I saw that she was already proving doctors wrong, the first moment she showed us her strength and fire. It was loud and clear, a warrior cry, and it was then I realized that she was a fighter with a purpose. For me, that first cry was a promise from the giver of life… And that’s what I choose to remember today!

“From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand…”
(-In Christ Alone)

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