Success- Part 1 (Mommy Success)

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Success.  We all strive for it, and we envy those who have it, but what is it?  I’ve been contemplating this quite a bit lately.  It seems that the concept of success has been turning up everywhere in my life these past few weeks, and, being a person that doesn’t really believe much in coincidence, I’ve been seeking to learn what God is trying to teach me about my own personal success.

My first thoughts on this started with the book we’re reading for our mom’s group, Mom to Mom.  We are reading Momology: A Mom’s Guide to Shaping Great Kids by Shelly Radic.  (By the way, this happens to be a GREAT book!)  One of the questions had to do with feeling successful as a mom, and it really made me think.  Anyone who knows me well knows that I don’t like to look at what I’m good at.  I am my own greatest critic, and critiquing my mommy skills is certainly no exception.  In fact, realizing how lousy I feel as a mom so frequently is one of the reasons I started this blog!  But that’s not the point.  As I thought about my success as a mom, I found that the days I feel most successful are actually the days that I do the least.  My feelings of success do not come from getting the laundry finished, or cooking a fantastic meal… they don’t come from dressing my kids perfectly, or getting everyone to school on time.  The times when I feel most successful as a mommy are the days when I have a real conversation with my six-year-old and give her my undivided attention, or the days when I sit down on the floor with my two-year-old and do puzzles and play games.  I feel success when I read the Bible and pray with my girls without rushing through to the next task, or when we run around the yard and act silly.  No, I’m not accomplishing some great task by the world’s standards on those days, but on those days I see joy and happiness in the eyes of my girls, and that is what makes me feel successful as a mom.

My challenge at this point is to put an end to the worrying about all the “stuff.”  I mean, really, who cares if I have a mountain of laundry, or if my girls wear mismatched clothes?  Does it really matter if we eat a home-cooked, four-course meal every night?  And those dust bunnies under my couch aren’t really hurting anyone today.  My goal is to spend more time on what really matters, and as a mommy to two fantastic little girls, they are what really matters.

Back and forth, back and forth…

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“She rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, 

and while she rocked him she sang, ‘I’ll love you forever, I’ll like for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be…”

Oh, those sweet words from one of my all-time favorite children’s books, Love You Forever!  My own mommy introduced me to that book many years ago, and now I love to share it with my sweet girls.  It’s such a beautiful picture of a mother’s love for her children, no matter how old they are or what may happen.  The words from that book have been repeating through my mind these past few weeks as we’ve grown more and more busy, and we have less and less time to sit down one-on-one with our girls.

Just last week as we were preparing for yet another outing somewhere, Raegan looked at me and said, “Mommy, I wish I was still your baby.”  Naturally, I responded as any mother would respond- “What?  Are you kidding me?  You’ll always be my baby.”  In my mind, she is my baby.  But in her sweet little wise way, she reminded me that I don’t always treat her that way… that I don’t hug on her and hold her the way I used to.  As we continued in our conversation, she told me that sometimes she wishes she were a baby so she could just be held and rocked and loved on.

Ouch.  Painful mommy moment… doesn’t the truth always hurt in such a dreadful way?  As our children grow and become more independent, and seek to think on their own and do things their way, we are still called to give them the love they need.  They still need us, even on those days they try so hard not to.  When they’ve spent the day exploring and growing, succeeding and yes, sometimes failing, they need a mommy to hold them and rock them, to tell them they are wonderful and beautiful and loved.

I can be a bit on the slow side.  I tend to overlook the obvious all too often, but this is one lesson I pray I don’t forget.  No matter how independent and strong my daughter seems to be, she still has that desire to be held and loved on, to find that calm peace that is found in being held by her mommy.  And what a lesson for me… I need to find that quiet time each day to let my Heavenly Father hold me in His arms, to allow Him the opportunity to soothe my aches and fill my heart with joy and peace.

So, in the midst of all of our chaos, I am striving to find that small bit of quiet time to allow myself to be held by Him, and also to rock my long-legged, almost-seven-year old baby back and forth, back and forth, back and forth…

Precious diamonds

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How many of us value the diamonds on our wedding rings?  I would venture to say that nearly all of us do.  Well, I am no exception to this, so imagine my distress yesterday when I glanced at my finger and realized that one of my diamonds was missing.  I was immediately sent into a complete state of panic.  I began to frantically search for the very small diamond that was missing.  I crawled on my hands and knees on the floor, scouring every square inch.  I emptied out my purse, my bag, and my desk in desperate hopes of finding the tiny gem.  I retraced my footsteps, examining the halls and even the bathroom, yet I had no luck.  The diamond was gone.

In the midst of my searching, it dawned on me that I was so desperately seeking a material object, and a miniscule one at that. However, how often to I seek God with that same sense of urgency?  I was humbled by my answer.  Yes, diamonds (no matter the size) are valuable, and those on our wedding rings have added value due to their sentimental weight.  But God is so much more valuable than any diamond or gem we desire.  God speaks those words to us in Proverbs 8:10-11…

“Choose my instruction instead of silver,

knowledge rather than choice gold,

for wisdom is more precious than rubies,

and nothing you desire can compare with her.”

My prayer for today is that I will yearn for God so much more than any material thing, and that I will value the truths of His word over even the most precious of all diamonds.

Blessed Assurance…

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Have you ever had that moment when you’re listening to a song that you could sing in your sleep, but suddenly the words take on a new meaning?  One of those songs that you’ve heard since the beginning of time and for some reason it just resonates in your soul.  Bam!  Heart-changing, life altering lyrics that you’ve sung right over at least a dozen times, and yet here you are, hearing the song for the very first time.  For me, that moment came today through the old familiar hymn, Blessed Assurance.  Now, I’ve heard the song many, many times, yet today  I found myself struck by the power behind the words…

“Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine”- Wow.  Jesus, the son of God, the Savior of the world, is mine?  Unfathomable, yet so true… I am in Him, He is in me.  It’s no longer I that lives, but Christ in me.  Who wouldn’t feel assured by this?  Yet so often I find myself feeling so unsure of myself and my decisions.  Satan loves to feed us the lie of insecurity, but we can be sure that our Father in Heaven has our best interest at heart and that He will always lead us in truth and love.  He has purchased us, filled us with His spirit, and covered our ugliness with His redeeming blood.

“Perfect submission, perfect delight”/”Perfect submission, all is at rest, I in my Savior am happy and blest”- Am I living like I am happy and blest?  Do I submit to His authority with delight and peace?  Unfortunately, probably not as much as I’d like to admit.  However, I have to ask, “Why not?”  He created this world and all that is in it.  He has eternity in His hand… He sees the past, the present, and the future.  He knows all, and He loves me with a love bigger than I can ever comprehend.  Yet I hesitate to submit to Him.  I deserve eternity in hell, but He loved me enough to die in my place, and now I am blessed to spend forever in the glory of His presence.  Yet I often go through life feeling all gloom and doom, having a pity party for myself, instead of rejoicing every minute of every day over the gift of grace that has been so graciously given to me.

“This is my story, this is my song… Praising my Savior all the day long”- Is this my story?  Is the song of my life a song of praise to my precious Redeemer?  Do my children see a life of praise and thanksgiving, or a life of poor, pitiful me?  Am I leading others to a life of praise?  My prayer is that no matter what the circumstance here on Earth, I can live a life of praise.  I want my life story to be one the reflects the Giver of Life, and my life song to be one of joy and praise and honor to the One to whom all honor is due.

How about you- is the song of your life a song of praise to your Savior?

Raegan’s Testimony

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I am so proud of my baby girl! On Tuesday, March 8, 2011, she gave her heart to Jesus. This is the most proud of her I have ever been! Her passion and determination have already been such an inspiration to me. She has asked questions about becoming a Christian for several months now, but never with any persistence. On Monday, her teacher asked to speak to me, and they both told me that she had been asking about it all day and she thought she was ready. Well, my logical brain thought this was great, but wanted to make sure everything was clear before we proceeded. So I pushed her off until that evening, and then we sat down to talk. I talked and talked and asked a thousand questions, and she just kept asking me if she could pray. I ended up telling her not yet and sent her to bed.

By the next morning she was barely talking to me, and she went to school as usual. When we got home that afternoon, she asked me if she could go be alone in her room. After a few minutes, she emerged from her room and told me she had to talk to me. She sounded like such a little adult! She informed me that she did not need me to ask Jesus in her heart, that she could do it on her own, and that she could go in her room by herself and do it, and that’s what she was going to do. She told me she would wait until bedtime if I wanted her to, but she was doing it no matter what.

Whoa. What a wake-up call for this mom! I was so ashamed of myself for trying to push her off until I thought she was ready, and for not having that same determination in my walk with Christ! She knew the Truth, and nothing was going to stand her way of getting right with Him. Imagine what this world would be if all of us Christians had that kind of fervency for the things of God!

I realized that I wanted to be a part of the biggest decision my daughter would ever make, so I sat down with her right then and led her in the sinner’s prayer. It still makes me weepy to think of the light in her eyes when we finished praying. She looked at me with those big, bright blue eyes, and the sweetest little smile… that face will be forever etched in my mind. She put her hand over heart and said, “Mama, He’s in here now, isn’t He?” Praise the Lord, yes He was and is! It’s so hard to explain, but as she sat there and I looked in her eyes, there seemed to be such a peace and a joy in her that I had never seen.

Raegan immediately wanted to start telling people her good news, and she did. She spent the next hour on the phone with everyone she could think of, and for the next week she told every person she saw about her decision. Again, what a testimony to me… am I that excited to share with everyone the good news? How many people have I told? She may already have me beat when it comes to those numbers!

I realize that Raegan is young, and that as she grows in age and in her walk with Christ she’ll have questions. But I do not for one moment doubt the decision that she made, nor the change He has already brought into her life. I just pray that as a mom I can give her every opportunity to grow more in love with Him every day.