My Raegan gave me my very first Mother’s Day letter, written all by herself at school (and of course my response was to weep like a baby!)… it was so sweet that I had to put it on here!

Dear Mom, 

I love you because you make my life special!  You make bedtime special.  I am glad I was born.  I love being called Sunshine! Thank you for praying for me.  Love, Raegan!

There are so many days in which I have so many regrets about raising my children… I should have spent more time with them, I should have taught them this, I should have done that with them… it’s easy to play the game of comparing yourself to other moms and seeing all the wonderful things they do and only seeing the rotten things you do.  However, God has reminded me time and time again that He gave me what I need to raise my children.  He knows their needs and knows the type of mom they need, and He chose to give them to me, not someone else.  If He had meant for my girls to be raised by the mom who has it all together, He would have placed them there.  But instead He chose me as their mommy, as scattered as I am, and for that I am eternally grateful.

I know that I will make mistakes, and lots of them, but praise the Lord for a God who uses those opportunities to help me learn and grow.  And praise Him for the small reminders (sometimes in the form of a sweet little note) that somehow I am making a difference in the lives of my children.

It was a typical evening of chaos in our house… work and school until after 4:00, afternoon routines of checking folders and homework and changing out of school clothes, cooking dinner as quickly as possible and wolfing it down so Kirby could get to the ball field on time, dishes, laundry… I think you get the point.  A million things going on at one time, and all the while my mind was running through the list of things yet to be done before bedtime.

Suddenly the organized mass chaos was halted by a frantic scream from my youngest… “MAMA!!!”  I dropped the dish towel and dashed across the house to find my blue-eyed angel in a heap on the floor, crying hysterically.  At the sight of me, her sobs turned into pleas… “Mommy, hold me!”  I scooped her up in my arms, sat on the couch, and promptly began to check her over for blood, bruises, cuts, bumps… any sign of a major injury.  She looked at me with those tear-filled eyes, held her hand to my lips, and said, “Kiss it.”  Well, who can resist such a demand?  I complied, fully prepared to put her back on her feet and get back to my dishes, but much to my surprise she put one chubby arm around my neck and rested her head on my chest.

In that moment, the to-do list vanished.  I was no longer concerned with dishes or laundry or lunchboxes.  In that moment, all that mattered was holding my baby girl.  As I listened to her slowed breathing and stroked her hair, I came to the realization that no task was more important than loving my child.  While all of the mundane tasks I had yet to finish were important and even necessary, none of them compared with my daughter’s need to see and feel her mommy with her in her time of distress.  All too soon she’ll be grown, no longer wanting Mommy to kiss her boo-boo’s and hold her on her lap.  Yes, she’ll still need me, but the needs will be very different, and somehow not as innocent as her need to feel Mommy’s love right now.

Another thought entered my mind as we sat on the couch in silence, holding on to one another.  How often I fall down in this crazy world, and I, too, am much like my daughter.  I, too, call out for help.  However, instead of calling out for the name of my mommy, I call on the name of my Heavenly Father.  And much like my own response to my daughter, His response to me is always to reach out, scoop me up into His arms, and hold me.  No matter how disobedient I’ve been, or how far I have strayed, He is always just a call away, waiting for me to tell Him that I need Him, waiting to shower me with His love.

As I get back to my dishes and my endless list of chores to finish, my prayer is that I won’t get consumed by my to-do list and forget to spend time with my Savior, and that I will cherish the moments when my children call on me for help.  I pray that I will take time to sit and hold my daughters in my arms, to tell them they are special and beautiful and wonderfully made, to show them that I value the time I have with them.  Most importantly, I pray that as they grow older and need me less, they’ll become increasingly aware of needing Him more, and that they, too, will learn to call on the name of the Lord.

Have you ever had one of those days (or weeks, or months, or years…) where you just felt like crying?  Hopefully you have, otherwise I’m feeling pretty foolish!  It’s amazing to me at how the roller coaster of life works… climbing to the top seems to take an eternity, but then plummeting down happens in the blink of an eye!

Last week was the top of one hill for me… I had an amazing week.  Nothing particularly spectacular happened, but I just found such contentment and joy in the simple things in life… quality family time, spending time in God’s word, relaxing and playing with my girls, enjoying the sunshine at the beach… It was pretty close to my idea of perfection.  (I know, I know… kind of dull, but to each his own!)  Then, without any warning, BAM!  This week hit with full force, and it has been a rapid descent to the bottom (or so it seems).

What’s interesting about finding myself down in this slump is that there hasn’t been some catastrophic event to make me want to curl up in a ball and hide my head.  Instead, it’s just that feeling of being overwhelmed… ever been there?  The family calendar is jammed packed, the to-do list at work consists of multiple pages, friends need advice, family members need help, the church needs workers, bad news barges in with every other phone call or email, the kids are emotional and demanding, financial needs become greater while funds become more sparse, and health issues begin to surface… sound familiar?

There’s no doubt that life is overwhelming.  No one person can handle all of the demands of life on their own, and thankfully, no one is expected to.  God is our source of strength.  When we’re spiraling downward, He’s holding us in His hand, ready to life us back up.  My girls have a game they love… they stand on a ledge and grab a hold of their daddy’s hands.  They jump down, but their daddy holds on tight to those little hands, never letting them fall to the ground.  They feel as if they’re falling, but he keeps them from hitting the bottom.

I like to picture our heavenly Father playing the same game with us… as we feel like we’re crashing down, He holds on tightly to our hands, rescuing us from the pit and bringing us back up again.  Just as my girls know their daddy isn’t going to let them fall, we can rest in knowing our Father won’t let us fall, either.

                                           -Psalm 61:1-4

As Easter is upon us and we prepare to celebrate the resurrection of our Savior, I have found it to be a little more difficult to prepare my heart this year.  I feel so guilty admitting that, but it seems that everywhere I turn these days I see sorrow and despair, and I find it more and more challenging to stay focused on the “prize.”  Friends are struggling with pain and loss, broken marriages, financial destruction, illness and death… the list goes on.  Our world has become such a scary place, and things continue to spiral downward.  It can be so overwhelming, so disturbing, so… hopeless.  Yet we know that our God is a God of hope, a God of promise, a God of love.

We celebrate Easter each year with great excitement and joy, but as I re-read the account of the very first “Easter” in God’s word, I was reminded that the world at that time was not unlike the world we live in today.  They, too, had their share of disappointments, of fear, of trials and tribulations… they, too, faced great sorrow and despair.

As Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, the disciples were tired and weary, just as we are.  They, too, faced exhaustion, and were too worn out to even pray.  As Jesus was betrayed and arrested, the disciples faced fear.  They lost courage and fled, deserting the One they loved.  Their fears continued to control them as Jesus stood on trial.  Peter was too afraid to even admit he knew Jesus, denying Him three times.

Do you struggle with guilt?  Judas did.  He betrayed Jesus, the One whom he had followed daily.  He betrayed Him with a seemingly innocent kiss, ultimately condemning Him to death.  His guilt overtook him as he took his own life.

The followers of Christ faced disappointment, grief, sorrow, and lack of faith as Christ was crucified and buried.  They forgot His promise, and were consumed by the events surrounding them.  The women mourned and wailed and the men doubted and thought it all to be over, but the end was not yet written.  For in the midst of all of the chaos, all of the sadness, all of the unknown, He arose in triumphal victory!

That is why we celebrate.  We celebrate in knowing that despite the troubles of this world, despite the problems we have, despite all that goes on around us, He is alive.  We celebrate because no matter what circumstances we face, we have victory through Him.  We celebrate because through His own death and resurrection we have the promise of eternal life, and that eternal life will be free from sorrow and disappointment.  We celebrate because of Him…. so let us all put the cares of this world behind us and focus on the promise of our Lord and Savior, and celebrate what He has done, is doing, and will do!  Happy Easter, ya’ll!

Life is full of uncertainty.  Some days it seems nothing is for sure.  You can be trucking along, thinking you know exactly where you’re going, why you’re heading that way, how you’re going to get there, and who is going to go with you, and then, BAM!  In the blink of an eye, everything can change… one phone call, one doctor report, one letter, one storm… one second, and all of a sudden you aren’t so sure anymore.  All that you thought you knew suddenly isn’t what you know.

Fortunately, we serve a God who doesn’t just think He knows- He knows.  In the midst of chaos and uncertainty, He is there, holding us in the palm of His hand.  We may lose sense of that, and focus on the madness that surrounds us here in this crazy world, but He doesn’t go anywhere.  He promises to always be right there with us, continuously working out His plan (and yes, that’s right- HIS plan, not ours!).

I was particularly encouraged today by Psalm 33… I could write all day, but David so eloquently sums it up in this Psalm (verses 4-5, 10-11, 13-15, 18-22) …

Raegan has decided to be a ball player.  She is currently in her second season of t-ball, and she’s actually doing really well with it.  She hits hard, runs fast, and even stops the ball when it comes at her.  She has come a long way from sitting in the dirt and throwing grass like she did last year!

I’ve been a little shocked at my own response to her games.  I’m oddly uptight and tense as I watch my little girl on the field.  With every run she scores or person she tags out, my heart swells with pride.  On the other hand, I’m on my feet, ready to yell with every ball she misses or play she fouls up.  Rest assured if she gets lazy or careless out there I am going to be ready to respond!

Raegan played particularly well during this last game, and as I was thinking back on her performance and how proud I am of her, God spoke to my heart.  If my heart is that impacted by my daughter playing a ball game, imagine the intense feelings of our Heavenly Father as He watches us play the game of life.  How quick I am to rebuke my daughter when she makes a mistake on the field!  I am so grateful that He deals with my mistakes with so much more love and compassion.  And as I feel great pride when Raegan performs well on the field, how must He feel when we perform well in life?

My prayer for today is that I will perform my best for my Heavenly Father.  My daughter strives to make me proud, and I want to do the same for my Father.  I pray that my life will be full of good plays that cause His heart to swell with pride as well!

Weary… tired… exhausted… fatigued… worn out… just plain pooped.  Whatever word you choose, we all feel it at some point, and I am it to the extreme these days!  Life is such a whirlwind of good times and bad, ups and downs, and it all takes a toll on our bodies.  We need times of rest and refreshment, no matter how strong we think we are.  God has certainly used the past 8 1/2 months to teach me that.

Back in August I had a major wake-up call. To summarize a really long story, I had some very scary health issues that seemed to come out of nowhere, and I spent months being unable to function normally.  My problems have certainly gotten better, but unfortunately I am still not totally back to my normal self.  It has been a very frustrating journey, but one that God has used to grow and mold me.  He’s given me some very valuable lessons through this experience, and I am continuing to learn.

One thing I’ve had to deal with is the issue of independence versus dependence on God.  I  very much like to do things for myself, and do them my way.  I do not like to delegate or ask for help.  I would rather just do it all myself.  However, due to my illnesses, I quickly had to swallow my pride and allow others to step in and help me.  I was physically unable to do things for myself, much less carry on the lifestyle I was accustomed to.  My husband had to be husband, daddy, mommy, and caretaker, and our house was full of different people coming to help out.  Talk about being knocked down a notch or two (or hundred)!  God showed me that it isn’t about me and my strength… it’s about Him, and He used others during that time to truly minister to me.

God also taught me a lesson about rest.  We are not infinite, almighty people.  I know as moms we often joke about being “Super-Mom,” which holds some truth in theory, but the reality is we need rest.  We need times of refreshing.  If we try to carry through our days without ceasing, and hold on to all the baggage life throws our way, we are going to end up totally drained and exhausted.  How can we be effective witnesses for Him if we’re feeling sunk and worn-out?  Our body is not our own- it belongs to Him, and is to be used for His purposes.  That means we have to responsible with what He has entrusted us with so that He can use it.

God promises to give us the rejuvenation we need if we simply come in trust and faith.  Matthew 11:28 shows us this promise: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  I did a little research, and I found that the word “come” used here is “deute”, and the word “rest” that is used is “anapauo”, which means “to rest, to refresh up, to cease from labor.”  To summarize a lot of what I read, Christ is basically saying to give up whatever you are depending on and turn to Him instead.  We can’t depend on ourselves or other people to give us the refreshment we need… we need Him.  And when we give up those things we count on and realize we need Him, He will take care of refreshing us.  And when we are refreshed, we are able to serve Him and bring honor and glory to Him, which is our sole purpose in life.

Grrrr…. that is literally the noise that I find escaping my throat these days, especially when it comes to my children.  Multiple times in the past month occasions have arisen that caused my “Mama Bear” instincts to go wild.  Someone singles out my child, makes false accusations, calls her a name, fails to let me know of a major conflict she’s been in… the list goes on and on, and while these are tiny little infractions in the overall scheme of things, they send me into a seething, growling, defensive fury.  It doesn’t matter if my feelings are reasonable or not at that point- I am out to protect my babies at any and all costs!

The protective nature of a mom never ceases to amaze me.  How incredible is it that the God of all gods, Lord of all creation, has equipped us with such an intense compassion and love for our little people?  It isn’t something that develops over time, or something we decide to do- it’s just as natural as the waves crashing on the shore.  Now, I can’t speak for all mothers, but I know that as soon as that little girl began to grow inside of me, my heart began to swell, my courage began to soar, and nothing was going to come against her.  That level of love and commitment that God gives a mother for her children is one that truly cannot be explained with words… it can only be experienced firsthand.

As I’ve been contemplating this protective nature in myself, I’ve been reminded of God’s love and protection over us.  As much as I love my kids and try to guard them from things that may cause them harm, I am only human, and that intense love I have is absolutely nothing in comparison with the love of our Heavenly Father.  I seek to protect my children, but the best defense I can offer them is to cover them in prayer, and give them to Him.  In His word, God is described as our shield (Psalm 3:3), our refuge (Psalm 91:4), our hiding place (Psalm 119:114), and our rock, fortress, and deliverer (Psalm 18:2).  He promises to be an “ever-present help in times of trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

As children of God, we are covered by a far greater hedge of protection than even the greatest mother can ever offer.  We were created for a purpose, and our Father will stop at nothing to take care of our every need… even offering His own precious Son as a sacrifice for our sins so that we can share eternity with Him.  That is a love and protection that I, even in angry “Mama Bear” mode, cannot offer my children… but I am eternally grateful for a God who can and does.

Back to defining success… Being the nerd that I am, I decided to pull out the dictionary and see what the actual definition of success is.  According to my friend Webster, success is the achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted.  This seems slightly vague to me.  Doesn’t that definition come across as being very subjective?  People desire, plan, or attempt all kinds of things, and almost everyone “achieves” something, even if it’s just stumbling out of bed in the morning.  Does that mean everyone is successful?

I decided to test my theory by asking several different people how they define success.  (I even resorted to using my Facebook status!)  I asked everyone from my family to my students to my Facebook friends, and I received a variety of responses.  My younger survey subjects had pretty straight answers… success is making an “A” on a test, or winning a game.  Their answers really made me think about what our society is teaching children, even at a very young age.  Do they really believe they can only experience success by winning all the time?  What happens if their team loses by one point, or if they make a “B”?  Does that make them unsuccessful?

The rest of the responses that came my way basically fell into two groups.  The first group had to do with happiness.  Most people said that success is a result of personal contentment, being happy with the person you are and what you’ve done.  However, the second group was centered around being all that God has called you to be.  Success comes from having a servant’s heart, working for others, and bringing glory to Him through your life.

I think I fall in a third category… I think success is being completely filled with and fulfilled in Christ.  If I live a life in which it isn’t about me, a life where I don’t live but He lives through me, others will be helped and He will receive the glory.  And if I’m living this kind of life, how can I be anything but happy, and content, and at peace?

I’m currently reading Max Lucado’s book titled, It’s Not About Me.  Lucado points out that our success only comes from God, and that He gives us that success in order to glorify Him.  We will experience success at some point in our lives.  God has given each of us gifts to use for His glory.  The catch is to remember that our success is because of Him and for Him, and that without Him we are nothing.

When I look back on what I’ve accomplished so far in my life, I am filled with regret about how many times I missed an opportunity to let Christ shine.  I’ve had to learn some lessons the hard way, and God has taught me that even if I have absolutely nothing or no one, He is all I need.  Being completely fulfilled in Him is the greatest success anyone can ever experience.

So what have I learned through all of this seeking?  I’ve learned that the answers to our questions are always found when we look in the right place… God’s Word.  In the book of Proverbs we can find a great summary of success… “True humility and fear of the Lord lead to riches, honor, and long life.”  -Proverbs 22:4 (New Living Translation)  I pray we all find strength in Him to fight the temptations of succumbing to society’s expectations for success, and instead find our success in living lives focused on bring glory to God.