We’re all familiar with the yellow light debate.  While we learn in driver’s ed that yellow means to slow down, most of us prefer the unwritten law that declares the yellow light to be an open invitation to floor it.  I am one of those people.  Those warning lights and signs are just a way of letting me know that I need to go harder and push through… both on the road and in life.

I’ve had to learn the hard way (and, by the way, I am still learning the hard way) that God doesn’t give us warning signals to make us push harder.  You see, that stubborn streak I see so frequently in my children is one that they have certainly inherited from their mother.  I do not like to give up.  When I see a warning sign, instead of heeding the warning, I take it as a personal challenge…. How far can I go?  How fast can I do it?  How much can I take on?  When I’m in the will of God, with Him running the show, there are no limits.  However, when I decide to go my own direction, in my own strength (as I so often do), He throws the caution flag.

Last week was one of those weeks in which I saw the small warnings, but ignored them.  I kept pushing through the busyness, refusing to slow down even for a second.  We went non-stop from early morning to late at night.  There was so much to do, and I felt that I needed to make the most of every opportunity.  After all, isn’t that what life is all about?  Fortunately, God doesn’t give up on us.  He brought me to a full stop this week.  I was frustrated at first- I didn’t want to slow down, much less stop, and I wasn’t thrilled with the fact that I had no other choice.  However, God is always faithful.  Once I got over myself and my own agendas, He revealed His plan to me.  Ultimately, as a wife and a mother, my job is to love Him and spend time with Him, love my husband and spend time with him, and love my children and spend time with them.  I had to be forced to stop for a minute so He could remind me of what my life is to be about- it isn’t about running all over town, being involved in every activity that comes my way, and being on the go all the time.  Sometimes we just need to stop.

I have found great contentment in the simplest of things this week… kiddie pools in the backyard, bed sheet forts in the girls’ playroom, playing Memory, living room picnics on the floor, watching movies.  We’ve made time in our schedule to snuggle on the couch, to enjoy real conversations, and to pray together and read our Bibles together.  I have found great joy in my role as wife and mommy, and even more joy in spending time with my Heavenly Father.  And honestly, I haven’t really missed all the hustle and bustle of a crammed schedule!  So, as my week continues, I am so grateful to Him for the warning signs He gives on the road of life, the plan He has for each and every one of us, and I pray that I will remember to slow down when I see that yellow light next time!

The innocent, pure, untainted faith of a child NEVER ceases to amaze me.  As a cynical adult who has been overly influenced by the world and its desires, I all too often lose sight of Who is really in charge here.  I move through life pushing onward in my own strength, working my way to my own goals, and mistakenly start thinking it’s all about me… HA!  The joke is on me, and God reminds me of that every time.

While I should realize that a little reminder from my Father is on its way, I tend to forget, and even when I do remember,  I never quite know how it will reach me.  Sometimes God catches me before I get too far gone, and I read a verse or hear a song and it brings His purpose back to light.  Other times it takes words from a sermon, or a friend, or a devotional to bring me back full circle.  However, there is something so sweet about hearing a gentle reminder of His grace and power from my children.

You see, like most moms, I try to instill an understanding of how wonderful God is in my children.  I make sure they hear the stories of God’s faithfulness, and that they are told daily of His love for them.  I attempt to remind them of His grace and His plan for their lives even at a young age.  They attend church, Sunday school, and receive a Christian education, and they already know that God is real.  They can tell you all about different Bible stories and people in Biblical history.  However, for a mom, it can be hard sometimes to go beyond the “telling” stage.  There is a fine line between knowing all the “stuff,” and applying this knowledge of God in every day life.  So many nights I go to bed praying for my girls and wondering if they’re really getting it.

As I’ve mentioned, this past week has been a blur of busyness and emotion.  I personally have lost focus on more than one occasion, and once you lose focus, you lose stamina.  As I sat on the couch this morning, I was overwhelmed with exhaustion, ready to throw in the towel.  I was very near tears, wondering how in the world I could keep going at this pace, and throwing myself quite a nice pity party.  Then my sweet little Maddie Blue walked up to me.  Little did I know that God was about to use this two-year-old angel to bring a profound message to me.

Maddie was holding my old cell phone… how she got it, I’ll never know, but she had it, and it was turned on (another mystery since it hasn’t been used in about a year).  She walked up to me and said, “See that, Mommy?”  I looked at the phone she was holding out to me, and the background was a picture of the sun setting over the ocean that we had taken quite some time ago.  As I looked at the picture, wondering how it had grabbed her attention, she so sweetly said, “That’s God.  He made that.”  And with that, she turned around and walked back out of the room to return to her Elmo puzzle.

Wow.  What a moment that was.  I sat, stunned at what had just occurred.  At the moment that I was ready to collapse in defeat, my toddler reminded me that it’s not about me.  She got it.  She could look at something as small as a picture and see God’s power and majesty.  She was able to see Him, and He sent her to remind me that He is there.  This world that has been making me crazy is His.  Granted, we’ve skewed the picture a bit with our sinful nature, but ultimately, its His.  This life that drives me to the brink of insanity as I try to run it on my own isn’t mine- it’s His.  He is right there in the middle of it all- the world around me shouts of His presence, reflecting His glory.  How can you not see him?  Yet I’ve been missing it (again).  If I would just slow down and look through the eyes of a child, maybe I could see Who is really in charge.

Tonight as I pray, I know that I don’t have to wonder if Maddie is getting it.  I need to wonder if I’m getting it!  I pray that I can encourage this amazing faith that I see in my girls, and learn from their example.  Most importantly, I am thanking God for my incredible children, and for His mercy and gentle reminders that He is right here.

Emotions are such a powerful thing.  I strive extremely hard to keep mine in check, but once they start to take over, I’m done for.  This past week, I finally broke.  It was our last week of school, which meant a multitude of things.  First, an overwhelming list of things that had to be done, and had to be done right then.  Second, it meant saying goodbye to some very special students… my first elementary class at LCA was “graduating,” moving on to different schools.  I also had a couple of amazing kids in my class who are not returning next year, so it was sad to see them all move on.  In addition, the end of the year meant other changes… parting ways with our administrator and waiting for a new one, no longer teaching third grade, moving classrooms, my daughter moving into second grade (yikes!), other staff members leaving the school… a lot to take in all at one time.

It was proving to be a bit stressful… then we added my husband being out of town for work, some other family stresses, end-of-the-year programs, unexpected ball practices when Rae made the All-Star team, and my husband getting the call from the Air Force Reserves that they found a job for him so he needed to think about getting sworn in sooner than expected.  By the end of the week, my emotions could not take anymore, and the dam broke.  Much to my dismay, the tears came and my emotions took over.

I am not a fan of weeping… now, I am one of those that cries at movies and tv shows and what-not, but I do not like to show personal emotion.  I am what I consider an empathetic crier.  I shed tears for others, but I do not like to cry over my own stuff.  Therefore I was really frustrated with myself for becoming so emotional.  However, as I turned my emotional distress over to God, I found great comfort in these words: “Jesus wept.”

At school, my students always get a kick out of this verse, not because of the fact that Jesus shed tears, or due to the story behind that verse, but because it is the shortest verse in the Bible.  It’s always the first verse the students brag about memorizing, and it’s one that I hear repeated over and over again throughout the school year.  However, in the pit I found myself buried in, I found this tiny verse a source of encouragement and hope.

In John 11, we find the story of Lazarus.  Lazarus had grown deathly ill, and his sisters, Mary and Martha, sent for Jesus.  They had incredible faith that Jesus alone could heal their brother.  However, Jesus did not immediately come to their home.  When He eventually made His way to see them, Lazarus had been deceased, “in the tomb for four days.”  Mary and Martha were grief-stricken, and surely felt emotions such as anger, frustration, and discouragement.  However, they still held hope that Christ alone could remedy the situation.

Mary fell at the feet of Jesus, overcome with emotion… at the sight of her pain and grief, Christ Himself was “deeply moved in spirit and troubled.”  It was at that moment that we find the shortest verse in the Bible… “Jesus wept.”  He felt the pain of His followers, and He was grieved.  The Son of God took time to cry, to weep, to experience emotion.  However, He did not allow the emotions to triumph… they came and went, and He went on to perform a great miracle- He brought Lazarus back from the grave.

What a lesson for me… rather than let my emotions conquer me completely, I should allow myself to experience them, but then move on to the great victory He has in store for me.  He has ultimately overcome the enemy, and there is no reason for me to live a life of defeat.  Emotions are okay, and they are a part of life, but they don’t have to control who we are, praise the Lord!

I can very much remember the moment I came face-to-face with the reality of what Christ endured on my behalf.  I had asked Him in my heart, and was very eager to learn all I could about Jesus and God and the Bible.  I was at a “True Love Waits” youth conference, and the speaker was presenting the gospel message to the group of teens.  I don’t remember his name, but he had such a way of speaking truth.  It was truly amazing and inspiring.  As he described the sacrifice that was offered through Christ Jesus, he gave very vivid details about the brutality of the torture, physical abuse, and crucifixion of my Savior.  I can still feel the heart wrenching pain that I felt deep within for the first time that day, and the tears that flowed uncontrollably as I realized, “Wow, He suffered for me.”

That phrase has come to my mind numerous times since then during my walk with Christ, and I know those words have left my lips on multiple occasions as I’ve witnessed to others about the wonders of the cross.  However, as the years have so quickly passed by, I am ashamed to admit that the awe of what those words mean has become less intense.  “He did this for you” has all too often become one of those token phrases, a “Christian cliche,” so to speak.

Fortunately, God always finds a way to wake you up and give you a reality check when you lose sight of His awe-inspiring glory, and the miracle of that first sacrifice.  The past Sunday was one of those eye-opening (or heart-opening) experiences for me.  I’ve shared before that Raegan asked Jesus into her heart, and she was able to participate in her first communion this week.  This special observance always reminds me of the unbelievable sacrifice that our Savior made on the cross, but somehow as I watched my sweet girl partake of the Lord’s Supper, I was overwhelmed in ways I never thought possible.

At that moment, I was reminded that it’s not about me.  As I watched her take the bread and the “wine,” it was far more than recognizing what He did for me.  It was what He did for my daughter.  You see, a mother’s love in unfathomable.  A mom loves her children with an intensity and a passion that no person can comprehend…. but God can.  That love that a mother has for her child is just a small portion of the love that He has for me, for you, and for my own children.  As much as I love her, He loves her all the more.  He gave His child and allowed Him to be tortured and abused for each one of us… that is a love I cannot imagine.  And while He did that for me and for everyone else, it means so much to this mommy-heart that He made that sacrifice for my own child, that He paid her debt and invited her into eternity with Him.  For that, I am eternally grateful.

This weekend we celebrated the life of my beautiful oldest daughter, Raegan Elisabeth.  Her birthday fell on a Friday this year, so we started the day with a mommy/daughter breakfast of smoothies and danishes at Port City Java, then her daddy had lunch and cupcakes with her class at school, and we ended the day with dinner at Giorgio’s with MiMi and Pop-Pop.  Saturday she spent her morning at the ball field, the afternoon at the pool, and we had a luau/cookout at the Jenkins’ home with all of the family.  It was a lot of celebrating and big fun for a little girl’s birthday, but so very worth it when I think on how much happiness and “sunshine” she has brought into my life.

It absolutely amazes me at how quickly my baby has turned into a young lady.  I remember so vividly the shock I felt the day I discovered I was pregnant with her, the amazement of feeling her move for the first time in the womb, watching the ultrasound video when they told us “It’s a girl!”, and the miracle of her birth.  Then it was a blur of first smiles, first foods, first words, first steps… and now she is seven years old.  She’s independent and strong-willed, bold and courageous, and full of love and smiles.  Her mind is always working (as well as her mouth), and she is a bundle of energy and determination.  As I watched her face light up today as she opened her gifts, I saw a brief glimpse of that baby girl that always had a smile that would light up a room, and it made my heart swell with joy and ache at the same time.

My girl has been a blessing sent straight from God, and has inspired me in ways unimaginable… she is one of my two greatest accomplishments, and I am both eternally gratefully and incredibly proud to be her mom.

I received an email from a friend today that was a great reminder to me.  (Thanks, Heather!)  She told me about being inspired by K-Love to choose a word for the year, and her word is “contentment.”  She went on to say that she has been praying that she will be content wherever she is, no matter what she is doing, instead of wanting different circumstances.

This was so encouraging to me.  What a fantastic way of looking at things!  So often I get discouraged, and I spend so much time asking God to change things to make me happy.  However, perhaps my prayer should be for God to change me instead of my circumstances, so that I will “grow” wherever I am “planted.”

When I take time to stop and reflect on my journey thus far, I’m overwhelmed at how God has worked in my life despite my shortcomings.  Even when I put myself in the way, He works His perfect plan!  Unfortunately, I don’t always take that time to look back- I tend to be too caught up in the “here and now.”  I get so frustrated with my current circumstances- Why do I have to work?  Why can’t we have more money?  Why don’t we have more “stuff”?  Why can’t I stay home and just be mommy?

Shame on me!  I should be more than content with life- I should be downright overjoyed at the opportunities God has given me!  I am blessed to work in a Christian environment, surrounded by other believers, sharing God’s word daily with young people and discipling them to be more like Him.  My daughters are right down the hall where I can see them anytime I want, and they are being taught the Truth.  In my time here, I’ve seen several students come to know Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, and I’ve even had the privilege of leading some of them in the sinner’s prayer.  Because of this “circumstance” that I so often gripe about, my own daughter has given her life to Jesus.  So what reason do I have to complain?

This year my students and I studied the book of Esther.  Although God’s name is not mentioned in the book, it is an incredible story of encouragement, a reminder that God is always at work.  It tells of how He is faithful and true to those who love Him, and how He uses His people to carry out His plans.  My prayer is that I will be one of those people He is able to use… that I will learn to be content wherever He leads, in any and all circumstances.  Only He knows if I am where I am “for such a time as this.”

The thrill of a live auction is an interesting thing, especially for a person who has never experienced it.  Kirby and I went to our first auction last night, and I was immediately swept away into the excitement of it all.  The auctioneer talks a mile a minute, people are calling out and waving hands, the adrenaline is pumping, and everyone is greatly anticipating a grand prize.  I went to simply be a spectator, but it didn’t take me long to start throwing my hand in the air, eager for a good deal.

In the middle of all the fanfare and fun, I took a look around me and realized how depressing the event actually was.  Before the auction began, the auctioneer let everyone know where the items came from.  An elderly man had been put into a “retirement” home, and the family had emptied out his house and put it all up for bids.  As items were selling for two and three dollars, I realized that this was someone’s life.  This man’s story was being sold by the box for a pitiful amount of money… jewelry that had been personally engraved, family photos, gifts, collectibles, hobbies… all tossed into a box and discarded as trash.

As I came home and began to look around my own house, I realized how temporary all of the things in this life are.  The things that we pour our money and our time into will one day be thrown into a box and tossed aside as garbage.  The things we treasure and hold dear to our hearts will be worthless.  Why, then, do we spend our lives so desperately seeking to obtain more and more junk?  Why not work for a higher cause, focusing on the things of eternal value?  When my life is boxed up and passed along to someone else, I hope and pray that the life others see in my material possessions is a life that reflects Christ in every possible way.

As I prayed over this, I really had to question what I live for.  I say with my mouth that I live for Him and that everything is about Him, but is that evident through the way I’m living my life?  Do I demonstrate this through how I spend my time and my money?  God’s Word reminds us of how temporary this world is, and how unimportant material things are. As I continue through this week, working and rushing and longing for things, I hope these verses will stay with me, reminding me of what matters most…

I always love when I’m teaching a lesson to my third graders and I find myself learning more than I’m teaching.  Today was one such day.  My students are memorizing the Beatitudes in the fifth chapter of Matthew.  I was introducing the passage to them today, discussing what each verse means, and when we got to verse six, I hit a road block.  “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.”

Now, lets understand something about me… I like to eat.  I am so guilty of indulging in all the wrong things for me… chips, crackers, soda, candy… I’m a bit of a junk-food junkie.  However, I always justify my cravings.  I’ve had a bad day, it’s a bad case of hormones, it’s a special occasion, or I’m just hungry or thirsty.  I look forward to my treats with great anticipation, and I’m always thinking ahead to the next meal.  It’s really a sad state for a person to be in!

In this verse, taken from Jesus’ “Sermon on the Mount,” He clearly states that if we have that same kind of hunger and thirst for righteousness, He will fill us.  Whoa, hold on, I’m not supposed to be filled with junk food and caffeine?  I should feel those hunger pains for righteousness?  That’s a hard thing to swallow.  As much as I think about food, I should be thinking so much more about living a life of righteousness.  When I want to fill the emotional void with junk, I should instead use my hunger to feed on the bread of life.  When I feel the need to chug one more Mt. Dew to get through the day, I need to take a drink from the fount of living water.

My prayer is that I will be totally consumed with a hunger and a thirst for the things of God, and that I will constantly seek to be filled with Him.

Here lately it seems as if life just won’t slow down.  We are in a constant whirlwind of activity between work and school and church and ball games… and of course squeezing in bits of time here and there for family and friends, not to mention chores and errands.  As I was rushing around the other day, this song started playing, and I found myself unable to move on as I listened to the words.

In those 2 minutes, God absolutely spoke to my heart.  In all truth, I was moved to tears right there in the park with my daughter as I realized the trap I’ve been in once again.  You see, I am a person very much like the Israelites in the days of the Old Testament.  These treasured children of God would be on the right track, on fire for their Lord, but the next day, whoosh!  They were sucked right back into a life of sin, running on their own will, in their own strength, only to fall flat on their faces.  Once down, they would ask for forgiveness, get back on track, and the cycle would begin all over again.

As ashamed as I am to admit it, yes, that is totally me.  How many times do I ask God to lead me, direct me, help me to do things in His strength rather than my own?  I go through periods of time in which I pray without ceasing, spend daily time in His word, and can truly feel Him leading me according to His plans.  However, it doesn’t take long for life to interfere… I find myself with a million things to do (and a to-do list that keeps growing!), feeling stressed and exhausted, and a line of people demanding my attention.  I forget about His strength, His plan, His desires for me, and I start trying to do it all on my own yet again.

Guess what?  It never works on my own.  The walls come crashing down around me, but, control freak that I am, I can’t let go of the reigns.  That is where the message of this song hit me the hardest- “Lord, take from me my life when I don’t have the strength to give it away to You…”  That is my prayer this week- that my faithful, all-powerful, omnipotent Father will take the reigns out of my hands when I can’t seem to let go of them.  Sometimes I need Him to pry my fingers away one at a time to remind me that He’s got this… after all, this life is not about me.  It’s all about Him, and for Him.